Fellows


Sometimes, I hate my roommates. Their friends are terrible. They don’t flush the toilet. There is some strange mold growing in the bathroom. They constantly make fun of me for being from Oklahoma.

But then, after a week of sheer animosity, I can’t help but love them. Tonight I stumbled home after an hour of wandering through sketchy Salem in pitch dark to play a game of NBA2K7 with MB. Conversation ranged from life in the apartment to women, from academics to partying. When EL came home an hour later, we discussed more substantive issues. The townies made a major concession, agreeing to suspend their calls for immediate honor killing of the Hawaiian, our culturally diverse roommate. In terms of our one year lease on a four-bedroom apartment, this was the Camp David Accords.

Later in the night, we even tackled the sensitive issue of what to do about the awkward pink mold growing in multiple locations in the bathroom. I suggested extermination, but my roommates proved once again that two, three, or four heads are better than one. Drug-resistant Staphylococcus is spreading across college campuses like wildfire. It would be irresponsible of us to destroy a potential cure…

Instead, we’ll be offering free vaccinations with an Epi-Pen we found in the couch to all comers. In this apartment, we believe in charity.

I don’t know what it is, but it looks pretty freaking awesome.

Plus, Jacob Milstein and Robert Funk are somehow involved, so you know it’s gonna be gold.