The television is asking me personal questions about my armpits. Apparently, my pits should fall into one of three catagories: hairy, sweaty, or sensitive.

This kind of thing has been coming up a lot more lately. The TV recently advised me to get girl-approved hair and spray perfume-deodorant on myself while riding a motorcycle. I don’t want to seem paranoid, but it’s almost like all these personal hygene marketers are trying to make me feel insecure. Not that they would do that.

I predict that in the next five years, they’ll start marketing makeup to men. A few years after that, it’ll probably become fashionable to stuff a sock down your pants. And then…the end of Western civilization.