In Harry Potter there this tree called the Whomping Willow (it might be “womping”) that guards a secret passageway by beating the snot out of anyone who comes too close.

The giant pecan tree in my backyard isn’t guarding a secret passageway, but it does enjoy beating the snot out of lawn chairs, potted plants, cars, and anything else that sticks around too long. Every summer it goes on a three month spree, battering the house with limbs and branches. Since we’ve lived here the thing has probably done about 5k in damages, counting the branch that smashed my car back in the day.

But this summer has been particularly bad. It rained pretty much constantly for most of May and June, and my greedy whomping tree sucked up all that moisture and turned it zillions of big, fat pecans. The trouble is, the tree didn’t invest nearly enough energy to growing big enough to support that many nuts. So now, like a teenage smack addict, it’s turning it’s babies into some one else’s problem.

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